5 Things I Learned This Past Weekend While Visiting Clay County

  1. Donald Trump has locked down the Appalachia Kentucky vote. Because he says what is on his mind, fuck the consequences. Braggadocio and impulsive decisions are what we need when dealing with Russia, Iran, and the Mexican immigration issue.
  2. Kids will play on a steep slip n’ slide until their bodies are black and blue and beaten to a pulp. But if one stubs their toe on a coffee table, the world ends and the heavens fall.
  3. The judgmental glare of church grannies is enough to frighten potential liquor store customers into eschewing the devil’s libations. Apparently, one of the few liquor stores in the county shutdown due to community (Read: Church community) pressure.
  4. Bananas sold in southeastern Kentucky are much smaller than the ones you get in Lexington, Kentucky. Why is that? It seems unfair!
  5. Mosquitoes in southeastern Kentucky love to take blood from my sweet, sweet pale legs.

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