Not having a business degree has, at times, been a hindrance when it comes to running Apex Publications, LLC. I’m a busy guy, so I don’t have the time to head back to school and pick up all those boring accounting and business management courses. Instead, I decided I would watch Shark Tank to bring me up to speed on important business concepts.

If you’ve never heard of or seen Shark Tank, it goes like this: 5 rich ‘shark’ investors listen to pitches from wannabe entrepreneurs. The entrepreneur delivers their pitch and requests X amount of dollars for X% equity in their business, then the sharks ask their questions, there is a lot of ridicule by the sharks directed toward the entrepreneur for his/her answers, and if a shark is interested, they will make an offer to invest.

My wife asked me once how I would react to certain questions if I were given a chance to present in front of the sharks. My response is that there is no way I would present to the sharks on television. In a private boardroom, sure, but not on television. My accent would get so bad that Kevin O’Leary would have to make a snarky remark that relates money to social status. I would sweat like a pack mule. It would be a gory sight.

Anyway, I watch the show to learn, not to dream.

Top 5 Things I’ve Discovered by Watching Shark Tank

1) You’re not profitable until you’re paying yourself a normalized salary. How much do publishing CEOs make again?

2) EBITDA. Apparently, this one is very important for businesses, especially when selling your business or seeking investors.

3) This funny (NSFW) ‘What If‘ on the IMDB message board.

4) Barbara Corcoran really likes the young men. Robert Herjavec becomes a child around dogs. Kevin O’Leary rolls around nude in piles of 100 dollar bills every morning. Okay, that last one is an educated guess…but I bet it happens.

5) Potential (Shark Tank) investors will not invest in your company if you have a full time job. Oops.

Okay, here’s a 6th thing I’ve learned: Holy hell, Mark Cuban is rich!