Dieter’s Guilt and Floppy Appendages

On September 4, 2011, I decided to take control of my health. All summer I’d felt like crap due to weight-related health issues such as high blood pressure and acid reflux. It slowed me down. I even had to take several weeks off from Apex stuff!

Apexus interruptus is serious business!

Anyway, the diet and exercise routine has went on for close to six months. I’ve lost 34 pounds. Gained some muscles. I should be in much better shape for convention season. Especially if I can shed another 24 pounds to reach my goal of 200 pounds.

In the meantime, I’ve become addicted to dieting and exercising. Not that either makes me feel good. It’s more about guilt. If I cheat and eat too much my stomach aches with guilt. If I miss the gym I toss and turn in bed out of guilt.

I’ve heard of people who grow addicted to working out. Not me. Every single workout I start out thinking there is no way I’ll endure a whole hour of weights and cardio. I go home exhausted wondering where the hell is the endorphin charge hiding.

I never thought guilt would be so damn powerful. To the dismay of family and friends, I seldom feel guilt for anything I do. Yet, the guilt is strong because I’ve dealt with more hunger, sore muscles, and too many random naked dudes in the gym locker room to let the pounds come back.

Parting shot. I have also learned too many dudes are too damn comfortable socializing while completely nude.

7 comments

    1. Andrew: Generally, guilt is a foreign emotion to me. I suppose it might be anxiety about gaining the weight back is causing the guilt… so technically, it might not be guilt!

  1. Congratulations for sticking with it and making good progress in spite of having to brave socializing naked dudes. Let’s hope they’re not also gearing up for convention season. Con socializing can be awkward enough without nudity.

    Good luck, too, with the newly passive-aggressive body.

  2. I’m in the same boat as you. I put on a lot of weight in the last few years and it’s become a burden. Putting on socks shouldn’t be such a goddamn chore! Haha.

    I joined the gym a month ago, cut out soda almost completely, and am slowly losing weight. Next Wednesday I see a nutritionist, so she can teach me a bit about proper eating. I eat once a day, normally, and it’s a huge meal. Terrible.

    Anyway, good luck, bro!

    1. Good luck, Ken! You’ll find that after awhile, when you have a regular Coke, they’ll be too sweet. I can’t finish a whole can these days.

      But… I can ALWAYS finish a Mt. Dew. 😉

      1. I’ve already noticed that. If I have a can of Pepsi, it tastes toxic at first. Then after a few sips…bliss. Haha. Horrible stuff.

        I have gotten use to water, though, and even crave it now. In the past, if I was thirsty, my brain said, “Dude, Pepsi, go.” Now I actually WANT water. Crazy! =)

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