Apex Magazine and its editors Lynne M. Thomas, Michael Damian Thomas, and me have been nominated for a Hugo Award in the category of Best Semiprozine.

Second year in a row… never did I imagine I would be a Hugo nominee, but to have it happen twice… it is quite surreal.

The Best Semiprozine is STACKED with quality. This list of five nominees is filled with so much that is righteous that it makes me want to call out a series of “hallelujahs!”

BEST SEMIPROZINE
Apex Magazine
Beneath Ceaseless Skies
Clarkesworld Magazine
Lightspeed Magazine
Strange Horizons

I can’t imagine anybody complaining no matter which of these five wins the rocket.

Here is a full list of nominees.
http://www.sfsignal.com/archives/2013/03/finalists-2013-hugo-award-plus-free-fiction-links/

http://www.millennicon.org/

My panel schedule:

Geeks: Real vs. Poseur
11:00am Saturday, McKinley Room

Devil’s in the Details
3:00pm Saturday, McKinley Room

The Art and Science of Editing
1:00pm Sunday, MR1216

If you see me out and about, don’t hesitate to say hello.

Come on out, pick up a copy of Dark Faith: Invocations to be signed by everyone there, and listen to the authors read their stories.

Bookmamas
9 S. Johnson Ave.
Indianapolis, IN 46219

I’ll have copies of my anthologies (The Zombie Feed Volume 1, The Book of Apex) on hand to sign, along with free sampler issues of APEX MAGAZINE that I’ll sign. This promises to be a fun event.

We like the frights to come fast and to come often. I think that’s one small reason why the anthology format works so well in horror. We sit down, we read, we want a jolt. If I grab a novel, I’m not assured that jolt. I might have to slog through pages and pages of boring exposition and some bull crap called characterization and plot building. If I grab an anthology and read a short, then (in theory, at least) I should be assured a jolt.

That’s a terrible over-simplification, but I hope I’ve gotten my meaning across.

V/H/S is a collection of five horror vignettes bound together by a framing narrative. Despite the title, this isn’t set in the 80′s, but contemporary times. Different well-known directors for each vignette (at least “well-known” in horror fandom). The whole thing is filmed in “found footage” format (no, hold on, don’t run off!).

The film opens weakly. If you read this review and decide to watch V/H/S, either suffer through the first ten minutes or take the smart path and make use of your fast forward option. I’ll even tell you what you’re missing. I watch and suffer so that you don’t. There are a bunch of lowlifes, who in our framing story are filmed committing acts of destruction, vandalism, sexual assault, weak swearing (Samuel L. Jackson needs to come teach these guys the proper way to say “fuck”), and inexplicably this is all inter-cut with a scene of one of the creeps trying covertly to film himself having sex with a woman.

The movie’s plot finally starts when the leader of these delinquents gathers his friends for a “job.” He has been tasked with stealing a videotape from a house. As we’ve been shown, these guys film everything, even acts of felony, so cameras are rolling as they arrive and break into the home. It appears that nobody is home until they find a room on the second story filled with a wall of televisions, stacks and stacks of videotapes, and VCRs. And a fat dead old man and the chair he sits on.

Why is the guy dead? Did somebody get all A Clockwork Orange on his ass and make him watch Cannibal Holocaust or Zombi until his heart gave out? Don’t know, the film never tells us. He is there just because, okay.

Don’t give up on the film just yet. Please bear with me a little bit further.

So far, this movie is trash. At the time, I wanted my 20 minutes of life back.

Naturally, the leader doesn’t know what the tape looks like, just that he will know supposedly when he sees it. Great plan when there are hundreds of tapes all about.

The leader of the band of merry thieves directs one of his lackies to start watching the tapes in the room with the dead guy. One by one. That will get the job done, right? They’ll find that tape in no time!

Mercifully, we leave the framing story and we go to the first vignette.

Amateur Night directed by David Bruckner

And just like that, we’re dropped into the best 20 minutes or so of V/H/S.

Three typical, horny guys party at a bar hoping to find some sweet ladies to take back to their hotel room. For sexual activities. One guy is wearing a fake-looking set of spy glasses because they hope to record these sexual activities. Yes, this is sounding stupid. And, honestly, it is, but at least these three guys have personality (Read: they’re drawn just a smidge beyond stereotypical) and are halfway decent actors.

The guy with the spy glasses meets this woman:

I like you.

Her name is Lily. She tells Clint (guy with glasses) “I like you” many times, but she doesn’t say much else. It is obvious that something is a little off with Lily, but the guys decide to take her and another lady back to the hotel with them.

The woman with Lily passes out from too much booze. In an act of marvelous chivalry, the lead guy elects not to rape the woman, and instead decides to make his move on Lily. She is quite pretty in a psycho-killer kind of way.

I like you.

Lily is definitely a little off. And a little different. And what happens next is one terrifying and couch-clenching situation. Well done, David Bruckner!

The clip ends, and the movie takes us back to our framing narrative. Stuff happens. Next vignette, please.

I’ll give Amateur Night 4 out of 5 stars.

Second Honeymoon directed by Ti West

Ti West makes weird, intense movies. They have a 1970s vibe. Raw. Cold. Unflinching. House of the Devil is a fantastic horror flick. The Innskeepers has its detractors, but I think it is worthy of your time. So I was excited that he had a segment in the anthology. His contribution to V/H/S feels more modern than his two US movies, but it exhibits the same detached, cold horror. Wes Craven mixed with Dario Argento. Unfortunately, it is about as shallow as much of Craven and Argento’s lesser works.

A young couple are traveling the American southwest. They’re bunking down for the night at a cheap hotel when a weird hitchhiker knocks on their door. There is a quick cut, and we’re shown the aftermath of this visit. The husband is visibly shaken. The wife less so.

The piece has a twist. It also has one scene of violence that is shocking, realistic, and hard to watch.

3 out of 5 stars.

Tuesday the 17th directed by Glenn McQuaid
This one rips on slasher films. Four friends, two hot ladies, one jock, one dweeb (all four stereotypical on purpose, I’m sure) go to camp at a lake where a mass killing spree occurred the summer prior.

The acting is terrible (probably on purpose, but it does nothing to help the segment). A couple of the kills are funny. There are recreational drugs. And a lame twist.

You’re all going to fucking die up here.

The only thing interesting about the segment is its killer. You never “see” him. I mean, he is on screen, but obscured by tracking errors in the recording. Kind of cool effect.

1 out of 5 stars.

The Sick Thing That Happened to Emily When She Was Younger directed by Joe Swanberg

You’ve probably seen the incredibly spooky ad for V/H/S where this segment’s pretty actress is given a good jump scare by a ghost slamming the door of her room. Yeah, that was pretty effective. And misleading.

The disappointment I felt upon the reveal of the true plot and the twist… it was upsetting, and not in a good way. Even if it did turn to science fiction at the end.

1 out of 5 stars.

10/31/98 directed by Radio Silence

In a print anthology, you want to open strong and close strong. Perhaps not intentionally, the brains behind this film have arranged the best two segments to open and close. As Amateur Night is a monster story, this one is a ghost story. And a well-done one, at that.

Four guys hope to attend a Halloween party at a friend’s house. But the directions they’re given leads them to an oddly empty two story home. They go inside, find nobody, and instead of busting out of there at top speed, they elect to snoop around.

Why?

Just because.

Upstairs, they hear some shenanigans in the attic. They venture further. And they find… a woman who appears to be the tied to the ceiling and about to become a sacrifice to a cult. Something ritualistic is going on.

The boys flee. But then they do something unusual… they decide they can’t leave the woman to die at the hands of the cult. So they go back to the attic. The unexpected chivalry is handled in a realistic, logical manner you seldom see in horror films.

Plot wise, that’s as much as I’ll divulge, because this segment has a fantastic conclusion, and a deliciously evil twist at the end. If you can ignore some cheesy special effects stolen right from a popular YouTube video, 10/31/98 makes suffering through the previous three stories almost worthwhile.

Then we’re taken back to the frame narrative. It provides no closure. Stuff happens. Why? Because. To compound the agony, the credits roll, not over new footage of one of the shorts, but of the same idiotic opening sequence we watched 90 minutes earlier. Did we really need to see the young woman sexually assaulted once again in the parking structure? No.

That aside, kudos to the filmmakers. Less misogyny would be nice. Better acting would be a plus. Cleaner plots please. But, all in all, this was an enjoyable horror flick that contains several real scares.

Tally it up:
2 points for Amateur Night.
An extra point for actress Hannah Fierman’s portrayal of Lily.
A half point for Second Honeymoon almost working.
I’m docking the film 1 point for segment three.
I’m docking the film 1 point for segment four.
2 points for 10/31/98.
And I’m docking the film 3 points for the stupid framing narrative.

Add it up, and:
I give this one 2.5 stars out 5.

I find this invitation to be gratifying for a whole bunch of reasons, most of which having nothing to do with ego and self-promotion (honest!).

Ages and ages ago, I attended my first Conglomeration that happened to be my second convention ever and the VERY FIRST convention where I was a panelist. It is also the first convention I attended where I had Apex products for sale (Apex Digest issues 1 through 4). Back then, I used to think “Geez, these dealer tables ARE HUGE! I’ll never need this much room.”

The Apex madness became an obsession and created this monstrosity:

This convention also holds my personal record for the most “fuzzy” memories. You know the kind… things you *think* may have happened, but you aren’t quite sure they really happened. My pal and graphic designer Justin Stewart (and not the Power Ranger) accompanied me to Louisville and helped me work our dealer table. He also led me around to all the different room parties. We had blue stuff from Xerps. Other rooms had red stuff, clear stuff, and a giant walked around carrying a cooler of deadly stuff. At some point, 3am or so, Justin and I got split up. We both had separate, bizarre and surreal experiences. Nothing I can talk about in an open forum such as this blog, but if you run into me at Conglomeration, and if I’ve had a cup or two of blue stuff, I will happily share both sides of the story.

Conglomeration is a fun con. Add the fact that I plan on being one fantastic and fun guest of honor, and this turns into a Conglomeration you will not want to miss.

Because you never know what sort of crazy adventures I’ll have.

Sorry. I’ve been busy.

I came in second for the Hugo Award. I was a featured guest at Scarefest. I talked about my love of pumpkin spice latte in the Wall Street Journal. I trained Janet Harriett to be a vicious and cruel publisher. I said a lot of stupid stuff on Twitter. I released a few books through Apex. I’ve also become a champion thumb wrestler and compete in various professional leagues across the country.

I am also in the process of changing my surname to Cumberbatch.

Now that the website is once again under my withering gaze, it will be updated more frequently. Or so that’s the plan.

In the meantime, here is a fairly high profile interview ThinkProgress.org did about me. Highlights include me accusing a NYTs reporting talking out his ass. I consider it less an accusation and more a statement of fact.

I’m cross posting this here hoping to lasso a few more qualified candidates. This originally appeared on the Apex blog.

Apex is looking for a blog editor. Are you interested?

Hey, you might wonder. Didn’t they recently hire Sarah Olson?

Indeed, we did. And Sarah has been and remains insanely awesome. She has done a great job. I’ve discovered that she’s a smart lady with a wide and varied set of unique skills. For this reason, she’s agreed to step down as blog editor and step up to do some difficult software development type work for Apex (that I hope to assist her with). This will be some seriously cool stuff once completed. For now, though, it will remain super secret. She remains on our masthead as an editor and person of high importance to our overall goals.

A few things up front about the “job” of Apex Blog Editor … this is a non-currency position, meaning there is no money to be made. But you do get amazing intangibles like a free Apex shirt, merchandise when we have it, and you get free copies of some of the most valuable items in the world (to me, at least)–free Apex books! You do have to ask for them, though, because I am one forgetful and overworked publisher type.

Job specifics:

* As blog editor, you will work with the publisher (me) and senior editor (Janet Harriett) to implement our strategy of making the blog a fine source of genre entertainment, discussion, and a means of keeping Apex fans apprised of the latest company news.

* You will be responsible for getting at least three articles posted a week from our blogging roster.

* You will be responsible for making sure we have new posts everyday of the week. This isn’t as ominous and insane as it sounds. For example, our Sunday posts can be “Link Roundups” or an “Apex Week in Review” with links to our past week’s contents.

* You will be responsible for light line editing of the articles posted from our blogging rosters.

* Our blog editor will need to make sure articles we run aren’t insensitive to normal human beings  (not running an article such as one hating on Community, or more serious stuff like blatantly homophobic or racist essays with little or no merit). Naturally, anything that goes up on this blog is the responsibility of the publisher (me), so I need a gatekeeper who can watch out for such things (since I can’t Overlord over everything no matter how hard I try, and oh, I do try).

* The blog editor will prepare and format our bloggers’ posts.

* You will be responsible for maintaining the blogger roster. When spots invariably come open, with the assistance of the publisher and senior editor, you will seek suitable replacements.

* Land at least one quality guest blog post per month.

* You will maintain an editorial calendar.

Skills Required:

* Moderate knowledge of the WordPress blogging platform

* Excellent organizational skills

* Decent line editing skills

* A little knowledge of HTML is quite handy

* Solid communication skills

A candidate needs to be able to spend 5-10 hours a week doing the job and can promise at least a year of service.

All interested parties please send a query to Jason Sizemore (jason@apexbookcompany.com).

This all sounds quite formal and professional… the reality is that I’m not a demanding guy about this stuff. Knowing that it is essentially a volunteer-filled position, I recognize the dynamics that creates. I do try to make the job fun when I can. You get to interact with some great writers (Gary Braunbeck, BJ Burrow, heck, just look at the list of bloggers in the schedule in the right column).  All the same, I want someone who takes the responsibility of blog editor seriously, someone who will work hard to make a name for themselves for doing quality work, like Sarah Olson, Sarah Peduzzi, MG Ellington, and Sarah Brandel have done.

And being named “Sarah” IS NOT a requirement of the job.

If you have questions, don’t hesitate to contact me or leave a comment below.

Applications will close on August 10th.

Join me this Saturday for my Carnegie Center seminar titled “Navigating the Sci-Fi, Fantasy, & Horror Genre Markets”!

Saturday, July 14, 10:00 am-1:00 pm $35

Register with cash or check
Register with PayPal or Credit Card

“Finding the right publisher for your genre work can be a challenge. SF, fantasy, and horror are filled with multitudes of niche publishers that show up on the bookshelves right next to the larger book companies. Small press, micro-press, big six… join the Hugo and Stoker Award-nominated editor and publisher Jason Sizemore of Apex Publications as he lays out the many paths to publication you may take in both the novel and short fiction markets. We’ll discuss the leading publishers in the field, the qualities you should seek in a genre publisher, and the types of fiction currently sought by editors.”

I’ll have handouts, free Apex books, copies of Starve Better by Nick Mamatas (a writers’ guide for making a living as a genre freelancer) for sale at a mega-discount, a couple of T-shirts to give away, and whatever else I can carry in a large backpack.

The Carnegie Center is an awesome place. It is a not-for-profit institution that promotes literacy in central Kentucky. Attending the seminar means you’ll be supporting your favorite hillbilly editor/publisher AND supporting an important cultural center in Kentucky.

As this picture shows, our chins are no more than two feet apart from each other.

Here is a convention report in which not much happens. Except for the part where I drank half a gallon of zombies and nearly rubbed chins with Bruce Campbell.

Hitting the “Let’s Live Our Past Nightmares” button, let us first remember Fandomfest 2011.

Hot. No A/C. The type of heat and desolation that inspired Frank Herbert’s Dune.

I had no intention of ever going back to Fandomfest. I even fired off an angry email to the convention organizers sharing this intention. I used lots of sweaty swear words. I didn’t expect them to want me back.

But then there is this really nice guy named Stephen Zimmer, and he’s a friend and he worked his ass off to put together a solid literary track… and instead of Hotel Hell, the convention was being held in the legendary Galt House Hotel (no, it has nothing to do with John Galt, objectivism, Ayn Rand, or Atlas Shrugged).

Zimmer + Galt House = Why the Hell Not?

Friday was a fiasco from start to finish. One of the family vehicles decided to have an A/C malfunction, so on my day off I had to get my lazy ass up at 6 a.m. to take the van to the repair shop. I spent the whole morning packing about 200 pounds of books into my car. Running errands. Rushing to grab a loaner from the repair shop. Having a 70 minute drive to Louisville take 3 hours due to an accident and road work. Taking an hour to get registered. Waiting another hour while Zimmer found me a vendor table (the convention organizers forgot to assign me one). Waiting another 30 minutes while Zimmer found me another vendor table after Larry Elmore staked a claim to the first table for a friend named Tim (Who showed up for all of two hours on Saturday while Mr. Elmore used the table as additional display space. I don’t suspect any foul play on Larry’s part, just that a table in a high traffic spot was wasted on some guy who barely bothered to show up). Toted all the books and merchandise in three trips from the car across an expanse of parking garage, up an elevator, across a bridge, down an elevator, through the mass of people in line for registration, to the table.

By Friday, 6 p.m, I was exhausted and near death.

Dinner was pleasant, but taken at almost 10 p.m.

Saturday was much nicer. I had lunch with Jerry Gordon and Maurice Broaddus. I got to have a picture taken with Bruce Campbell. I got a hug from the hottest red head in Lexington (Heather Price). Scary clowns were running around putting a fright in Rhonda Wilson. Went to the naked painted ladies show. Drank ten zombies at John Horner Jacob’s book release party. Good times.

Sunday was pleasant, if a bit anti-climatic.

Will I go back to Fandomfest?

Sure, why not? it was pretty fun. Just not as a vendor.

And because I’m giver, here are a few free tips for the Fandomfest organizers.

1) It is a bad idea to create a bottleneck by placing the registration window right in the way of walking traffic.

2) It is a bad idea to not use signs.

3) It is a good idea to promote all tracks. This includes even the literary track.

4) Make sure all your vendors have been assigned a table.

5) Provide the vendors an area to unload their vehicles.

6) Teach your security not to be such assholes.

It’s all common sense stuff.  Everybody wants a great conventions. And you’re welcome.

Now I must go and write Bruce Campbell another letter…

Paranormal Parody

For the benefit of the two people in the world who are not familiar with Paranormal Activity, allow me to catch you up. An attractive young couple feel they are being haunted by a malicious spectral being. The rather dim-witted but well-meaning boyfriend buys a camera hoping to catch on film evidence of their haunting and use the footage to… well, I don’t recall what he thought he would accomplish with such footage. In his efforts to help his girlfriend, he seems to anger the spirit, ultimately leading to an expected, yet chilling conclusion.

Movie fans are split when it comes to assessing the quality of Peli’s movie. Personally, I loved the first PA. The scares worked for me, right down to the controversial ending (supposedly suggested by Steven Spielberg). The two leads, virtual unknowns, did a knockout job, even vaulting Katie Featherstone to temporary stardom. Oren Peli has gotten rich with a Paranormal Activity franchise, produced the excellent (and rather spooky) ghost flick Insidious, and produced the disappointing television series The River.

Paranormal Parody stars Kristen Kakos and Benjamin Euphrats as the Katie/Micah couple. Kristen, like Katie Featherstone, exhibits a slightly concealed sexiness that is used to hilarious effect throughout the film (essentially, the demon haunting Kristen is a manifestation of a secret porn past looking to come back to life… see, my reference to her being a curvy redhead has merit). Ben nails the clueless boyfriend role. He’s every bit as annoying and worthless as Micah. Kristen and Ben have nice comedic chemistry that gives the film an added spark.

Any good parody will poke fun at its subject’s flaws for comedic effect while showing obvious regard and respect for the source material. Director C.J. Goodman smartly sends up some of the more egregious plot points and several of PA’s iconic scenes. Ben is obsessed with buying a Ouija Ball (in the original, Micah is obsessed with buying a Ouija Board that pisses off the demon). Kristen wakens at night and stands over the bed for hours (in a chuckle-worthy setup, she keeps trying to stand over him, but he keeps tossing and turning away). Ben dusts the floor with talcum powder that the demon mistakes for cocaine (okay, it is much funnier than it sounds, I promise). Our hapless couple seeks assistance from ghost psychics. Goodman even films several conclusions, and makes hilarious use of an unlikely inflatable doll prop in the movie’s final moments!

It must be noted that Kakos and Euphrats do a solid job… right on par with Featherstone and Sloat. Kristen and Ben even live in a nicer house!

The extras include a rather weird set of interviews with the stars, a pretty decent running commentary, and a funny trailer for the film that is included below.

If you’re a fan of Peli’s original, then you’re going to find enough laughs in Paranormal Parody to make it worth your rental or purchase. It’s only $9.99. Go ahead, treat yourself. You deserve to be amused for 85 minutes!

Paranormal Parody Official Website
Get it at iTunes for $9.99